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I Am The Unknown

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The unknown is something people are never comfortable with.  We tend to want answers.  They bring order to our lives.  There is so much uncertainty these days, so it is no surprise that for most of us a Covid 19 diagnosis goes down the path of the unknown.  A positive diagnosis is scary and how a person’s body will react to it, mild or severe, is unknown.  But for me, the unknown was never getting the diagnosis.

I started with symptoms six weeks ago.  They started mild and I dismissed them for days.  It was early in the media coverage of the virus and right before the stay at home order took place.  Five days later the symptoms became more severe and started me wondering.  I had just traveled to Chicago on two separate days, seven days before the symptoms developed, and I had been in large crowds both days, so being exposed was a possibility.

The call I made to the doctor occurred after the stay at home order, and he too was no longer in the office and was now doing teleconference calls.  Even with my symptoms getting worse, the call was more to see if I needed testing so I wouldn’t spread it to my family, who are all essential workers and not able to work from home unlike myself.  You see, I’m not high risk.  I found this out during my call.  My only underlying diagnosis is Post-Lyme Syndrome which flares up at times.  I hate that diagnosis since it isn’t truly post and seems active, but it is how the medical personnel label it.  It lowers my immune system, but honestly since having Lyme Disease I haven’t been ill with anything else.  So my physician was unconcerned with my symptoms, stating it was likely Covid 19, and I needed to quarantine until I was symptom free for three straight days.  That seemed simple enough.  I assumed I’d be back to normal in a few weeks.  I was wrong.

Six weeks later, I can finally say I’m on the road to recovery.  The only remaining symptom I have is tightness in my chest when I try to take a deep breath.  The other symptoms have been gone for four days.  It has been an up and down course of illness for six weeks, fooling me many times into thinking I was better, only to return a day later, becoming sick again.  The unknown the last six weeks has been scary.  The unknown if this is truly Covid 19.  The unknown with how my body will react to this virus.  The unknown of when will I be healthy again.  I suspect in the medical world my case would be considered mild and after some of the cases I have heard about, I would agree, although in the midst of being unwell, it doesn’t feel mild.

We can never eradicate the unknown in life as much as we would like to, but in this instant there are simple things we can do to lessen them.  Testing anyone who has symptoms of Covid 19 would be one way of doing so.  It may not take away the fear, but it would certainly help us to slow the spread of the virus.  I’m not going to preach a mask or no mask, handwashing or any of the other science based advise we all know by now.  Instead, I just want to simply say, think.  Think before you leave the house and enter a public forum.  What is the conscientious decision to make?  What is the kind thing to do?  Do we care more about the human race than we do about just our own situation?  Think and then make your own decision from your answers.  I can’t give those to you and honestly, even if I did, most wouldn’t listen to them anyways.

For me, I still live in the unknown.  I’m still the unknown.  Who did I expose before becoming ill?  Am I now immune to this virus running rampant in the world?  For me, it is simple.  When I return to the public forum, for now I’ll be wearing a mask.   I’ll social distance and take all the precautions I can.  Not for me, but for you!  After all, it is not a life sentence to have to do these things for a while to slow the virus down, but for others this could literally be a life sentence, and I personally will not become the executioner.

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